Roadshow: My kids learn new curse words on the commute

Q Gary, I’m not a patient person when I drive. I swear in my car more than any other time of day. People think I am the way I am because I drive fast and have road rage.

Chuck Schwitters

Antioch

A So what is the truth?

Q The truth is, I am a crazy lunatic on the road because no one seems to know how to drive anymore! No one pays attention to what the freak they are doing. No one pays attention to the speed limits. No one pays attention to when it’s their turn to GO, and it seems that EVERYONE is on their damn phone, talking or texting!

Chuck Schwitters

A What do your kids say?

Q My kids tell me to just honk my horn when I get so mad at another driver, only because they don’t want to hear me yell anymore. Honking can only get you shot at, or run off the road or the classic: “let me get ahead of you so I can slam on my brakes and make you ram into me”.

So I stick to my yelling since no one else can hear me except for my annoyed kids.

Chuck Schwitters

A About those kids …

Q My poor kids. I can only imagine what a goodie two-shoes mother would think if they heard the words coming out of my mouth. Thankfully, my kids know better to not swear in front of me.

Chuck Schwitters

A But how long will that last?

Q Here’s the thing — and I can’t be the only one that thinks this because your stories about big rigs, Prius’ and those little pick-ups driving 55-60 mph abound. They are driving in the fast and middle lanes of the freeway. WHY? For the life of me, I can’t figure out what happened that even big rigs don’t want to drive in the slow lane anymore.

If they are not in the fast lane, they are in the middle lane. It’s like they are marking their spot like a dog and refuse to move anywhere else. You’d think that if cars are passing on either side, you would move over. You can drive the speed limit, so DRIVE THE SPEED LIMIT. There is nothing more annoying than being behind someone on the road that can’t at least go the speed limit.

The moment I’ve finally passed you, it’s pure bliss! I bet your ass I’ve used every cuss word you can think of before I passed you.

Chuck Schwitters

A And maybe some cuss words your kids haven’t heard before, eh?

Q I enjoyed the recent discussion about road boulders. Another character on the road I find hazardous and extremely dangerous is what I call the “Serial Tailgater.” This is the driver who lives in the fast lane, speeding up to within what seems like inches of the rear of each car it encounters.

It doesn’t matter how fast or slow cars are going, this character keeps right on the tail of cars until their drivers are compelled to move over.

Then it’s on to the bumper of the next car, and the next car. It’s very scary, and I see it way too often.

Pam Marino

Cupertino

A Hmmm. Maybe you and Chuck ought to carpool. Then you can commiserate together.

Look for Gary Richards at Facebook.com/mr.roadshow, follow him at Twitter.com/mrroadshow or contact him at mrroadshow@mercurynews.com or 408-920-5335.